Procrastination or "taking a break."  Is there a difference?  Really?  I don't know, but I did need a little mental break after the article marathon last month.  Unfortunately my summer will come to an end soon.  Right about August 1, my "teacher brain" turns on, and I can't think about anything else.  It's kind of funny (kind of obsessive) but I seriously can't think about much else.  I daydream about desk arrangements and lesson plans and forget to eat lunch.  You can imagine how much writing I can get done.  If it's about teaching, I'm fine, but forget anything else.

So, what I'm saying is that I think my "mental break" is turning into procrastination now.  I have a few big projects that I REALLY need to get done in July.  One will get done this week (yes, it really will!)  The other two are interesting, though, because nobody would know if I didn't get them done (unless you read the blog!)  I mean, really, would anyone know if I didn't write the book I'm thinking about?  Just a few people who know that I thought about it - that's it.  So, I have to have self-motivation. 

The part of my that procrastinates doesn't like new projects because they're new.  If I don't have a written-out set of directions, I have a fear that I won't do it correctly.  That happens a lot!  I always ask (or at least wonder) if I did something right.  I try to break the habit, but it's part of me.  So, for me, procrastination is a fear of failure or maybe lack of self-confidence.  Either way, it holds me back occasionally.

The cool thing is that the procrastination part of me is usually overcome by one of two other very powerful parts of me.  Sometimes they even work together to make things happen.  Meet Panic and Passion.

Panic is the one who wakes me up at 3:37 in the morning with a to-do list.  It won't let me get back to sleep unless I get up and get those things done now, because if I don't, the world will end.  It says things like, "You didn't dry the cheesecake form.  Remember, the little instruction guide said you have to wipe it out completely.  It's probably rusting right now.  Quick!  Get up, go do it.  It's rusting, rusting, rusting . . . "

If I do fully wake up, I laugh at Panic, because it never is as bad as it says, but if I'm still half-asleep, I buy into the panic.  Panic lists every little thing that could ever be a problem, big or small, and makes sure I won't forget.

Passion, on the other hand, is much more fun that Panic.  Passion is when I get a new idea, and I can't stop thinking about it, like a high-school crush.  I draw little sketches on paper, trying out titles, outlining the chapters, etc. at all times of the day.  One time Passion whispered in my ear during a school chapel service.  While I would frown on my students not singing a hymn or writing notes during chapel, there I was jotting, jotting, jotting.  Something the pastor had said triggered an idea, and I just couldn't stop.  I wrote on a little card where you're supposed to sign up for communion.  Not much white space.  So, I wrote all the way around the little card.  When I got back to the room, I typed it up as soon as I had a chance, and voilà!  I had a nice chapel skit that my class used a month later. 

Passion is very effective at overcoming procrastination, but it's not good at getting house clean or planning my family's menu for the week. 

Panic whispered in my ear this morning.  I told it to be quiet and let me sleep so I could get all that stuff done.  Now, I've had a little caffeine and some breakfast.  I'll see if Passion is around to help me out today.